Love, The mushy kind

So there are multiple kinds of love, the kind for your family, your friends, and then there's "mushy" love. The "mushy" kind is what I would like to address today. 

So in my years of life I have had an amazing couple to look up to, to show me what love is.

  My Parents 

San Diego, CA 

These two care so much about one another and it amazes me. They are wonderful. I can see it in their eyes and I can see it in their actions. They really love each other, and I only hope that I can find that one day. 

While there are other couples I would like to commend on how strong their relationship looks from the outside in, they most likely wouldn't appreciate being posted here. So I wont but you know who you are. 

I've been asked multiple times what love meant to me, and every time my mind races. I mean I've felt it, I know I have, but can it be defined? You have 1 Corinthians 14:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" and the dictionary says, "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person". So, maybe you can. 

And what about that feeling you get the butterflies in your stomach, the excitement, the tingling in your fingers and toes, and a racing heart. Some say that it all just wears off over time, but if it does, isn't that sad? Or is it simply just working at it to make that feeling stay? I believe the latter to be true. 

And what happens when love goes wrong? "It's only love when you're loved in return"- Steve Wariner Now I still believe that I loved when it wasn't reciprocated, but I know it wasn't healthy. So where does this stand? Personally I think it's still love, maybe unhealthy love, but love. 

I think that the combination of 1 Corinthians, and the dictionary may tell us what love is, but nothing is better than feeling it first hand. The one thing that I do believe without a doubt is that if you are in love, then you feel it and you don't doubt it. 

I feel that two of my favorite movies sum it all up best...

“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”

- The Notebook 

"Our love is like the wind... I can't see it, but I sure can feel it"

- A Walk to Remember 

So I have to share with you, of course, a piece of my writing, It kinda pertains

Say I Love You 

Verse 1

So close to me you’ll always be

As far as to say a part of me.

The touch of your hand feels so right

How could that have been our last night?

I need your voice in my ear

You say all the things I long to hear.

Your soul is beautiful, mature, and true

But still I’m fearful to say I love you.

Chorus

So open your eyes why can’t you see

From where I’m standing we’re meant to be.

You’re handsome and lovely, and most of all true

I pray someday you’ll tell me I love you

Verse 2

Your eyes are like gates to open your soul.

And once I’m in it’s never proven dull.

Your dreams and your passions are simply enchanting,

Listening to you makes my heart feel like dancing.

But when you say no more or too complicated

I instead wish I was someone you hated.

For I know somewhere in you, this is right,

So tell me will you realize it another night? 

Disappointment

"I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day."

The quote above is from the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. When I thought that I was in the worst place anyone could be in my Pastor gave that book to me. Partially because I was an education major and needed to collect children's books, but also because the story helps you see that maybe things aren't so bad. At the time I wouldn't open my eyes to see it's benefits but had I not been so stubborn, the book, and her kindness in reaching out to me, might have benefited my emotional state of mind. 

Lately I feel like I've been hit with one disappointment after another, after another. Between grades not being what I thought they would, my family having family drama, personal finances stretching further that they had to before, my skin breaking out like crazy ( yes I consider that a problem), to an unknown thing under my arm (GROSSS!), to the most recent sprain of my ankle. As each of these event occurred I felt a bit of disappointment. And I tried my best not to let these things make it a terrible horrible, no good very bad day. To my surprise, and possibly the surprise of some of you reading this it worked. 

As each ball dropped I just said this is okay because I will grow. Growth can be found in any disappointment if you look for it. Now while eventually all of the pressure did get to me the more important this is that NOW I am better, and I am okay with all of these factors, none of which have changed. But why now? Why not when they first happened? How did it get out of control? I'm not sure but I think I've found a two part answer. 

Part 1

As each event happened I blew it off, or stuffed it to the back of my mind. I wasn't willing to deal with it, or accept it for that matter. And to be honest ignoring things gets you no where. What would happen if we all decided one day that we didn't have time for stop signs and ignored them? Just ponder that. 

Part 2

As a woman of faith I have to recognize the fact that not once did I stop, pray, and say "God, I'm handing this over" Boy, wouldn't that have been more simple? Psalm 139:4 "Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely" He knows where we all stand and knows that we need help, all we have to do is take it to Him and lay it at His feet. 

So we will never be able to prevent disappointments in our lives, but we can certainly learn our own ways to handle them best, before they wont get the best of us. And more importantly we can find a way to grow from each situation. As the book ends Alexander tells us "It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My mom says some days are like that. Even in Australia." 

And now an Untitled sad/uplifting lyrics

Verse 1

 I'm sinking I'm falling to a dark and scary place

I'm thinking of running somewhere far far away

I want to hid and there's no end in sight 

So tell me please will you be my saving grace

The road we travel becomes constantly longer

The barriers are thicker and demons are stronger

I'm searching now for my best great escape

O please dear tell me you'll be my saving grace

Chorus

Because I know when you're near the road is shorter 

When I'm in your arms the path is warmer

And I know if you let me hear you sing out

I'll melt away in your warmth and become my true self 

Verse 2

We've made it before through theses snarls and toils

Without you I'm falling so fast harder and harder

The colors are dim and future looks bleak

So I need to hear loudly you're still my saving grace 

I'm tripping and falling, my stumbles are showing effect

Am I your burden or can I be something better

For in this darkness I'm beginning to find hope 

So tell me is it true are you my saving grace

 

Intimacy

So recently in my nonverbal communication class we have been talking about immediacy and intimacy. These two concepts hit me at home for some reason and I am dying to discuss them. 

My textbook, Nonverbal Communication: Forms and Functions, written by Peter A Andersen, defines immediacy as "Warm, involving, engaging nonverbal signals," that "provide connection and positive affect in all human relationships". So would you say that this is your friendships? Surely to some extent I'd hope so. However what is intimacy? I know my original thought is husband and wife. Andersen defines intimacy originally as " A broad term that references warm, involving behaviors, interactions, experiences, and relations." Hold on a minute, I still think that I could include the majority of my friendships under this definition. Can you as well? 

So this begs the question, where does a friendship end and a romantic relationship begin? I used to phrase this question with where does an intimate relationship begin? However I will not be doing that any longer. I am realizing that a number of my relationships are intimate. The answer to the previous question is, I am not completely certain; I am currently not in a romantic relationship and am one of the worst people to give advice on such relationships. My only possible thought is physical attraction. All of the intimacy is present in the friendship, that is only a friendship, until the day both parties see their friend in an attractive light.  

My favorite line from the chapter on intimacy is where he quotes a man by the name of Prager, "Intimate relationships are difficult, if not impossible, to replace." How many times have you had a break up and tried to "Fill the void" with a "rebound"? And how many times has it failed? This finally answers my question of why it sometimes fails when you take up a rebound; you are trying to replace what may be irreplaceable.Some relationships never reach this point, but if it does looking for replacement will not be the answer.  And if that person is replaceable, then perhaps you realize intimacy was never there.
So mostly I am hoping that the people who actually read this will take the time to think about who is important in your life, why, and how you would feel if you lost them. Time is precious it passes us by faster than we see, and it's funny how a lifetime can suddenly become a yesterday. So think about it, who are you intimate with, and when you realize it, make sure they all know.

A friendship that others would most likely envy,

A truth, a light, and deep understanding,

You’re my best friend and so to you I’ll be true.

I hope that this means all the same to you.

I stop and I whisper in your ear soft, so sweet

Where would I be if it weren’t for you?

Our laughter and struggles late into the night,

Even when I cried you would hold me tight.

I wasn’t so sure but suddenly the truth I see,

You are the best friend that was made for me. 

Ticking Clock

Do you ever stop and wonder, well where is my life going? Well perhaps you don't, but I most certainly do. I want to know, I want to know everything, and I want to know it now. I have a patience level that can only be described as, well, non-existent. I used to frown upon this quality in myself, however recently I have begun to embrace it. If you do not wonder what is to come, then what do you have to hold onto? 

The best part of this whole situation is that no matter how much we wonder, and hope, and strive someone knows better than we do. Psalm 31:14-15 "But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, You are my God! My future is in your hands." 

So whether you are wondering about a job, school, relationships, or any other factor, just hold on for your answer. IT WILL COME! 

When I think about me and you I feel like I'm looking into the past

What I need now is a crystal ball, something to see ahead and fast.

I want to know if you will be the one that I can call my home

The one who will be able to give me faith, that I'll never be alone.

I want to have the confidence inside myself that I can see;

Everything that I am, was, and evertything that I soon will be. 

Success, trials, devestation, and even so much more will come,

And I want to know I can do it alone, me, myself the only one. 

So perphaps inside that crystal ball, I am findinding my answer,

It is not you, or us that I seek. It is my own self that I treasure.  

I CAN do this

So, it's been close to a year since I posted anything here. I know I'm awful. My friend Mary will attest to this I am sure. But part of the reason that I haven't posted is because I am...

SCARED 

I've been hesitant to post any of my real work on here for fear that someone will say o wait is she talking about me? That conflict we had, the relationship we used to be in, any of the above. However in the words of Mary I just need to, "Pull a Taylor Swift and stop caring" So here I am pulling a Taylor Swift and not caring, sort of. I'm gonna try my hardest. Because in all fairness I would love to be Taylor Swift, well without the actual singing of course.

 Becoming a lyricist, or even a poet who can share her poems in a public place is my dream. We had a slam poet that performed at my school this fall, he told me I needed to get out there and start letting others hear my work. So while I'm not signing up for the next open mic night, I will post here for you wonderful audience members to enjoy.  

So now that I've rambled and put it off a little longer, below you will find my first piece to the public. Well of depth anyway...

When you walk by me next what will you see?

Have you ever really known the depth of me?

I tried my best to allow you in,

And now the pain wears me thin.

I want for you still to be the one, my only,

But I fear that you’ll leave me sad and lonely.

So soon is the day that the test is given,

And we’ll see if with me, you are still smitten. 

Merry Christmas Y’all

So, the Christmas season is upon us, and I for one am pretty excited about it. The thing is though, Christmas isn’t the same as it was when I was a kid, and I’m sure many of y’all would agree.
No longer do I wake up at 5:30 in the morning and jump on my brother’s beds, and watch cartoons until they actually got out of bed hours later. No longer do I hunt through the house trying to find my presents before the big day…usually J

Once you’ve reached college I’ve found that Christmas is about so many more things….and I shall elaborate on some below because that’s what I do, as my friends say they’re “Wilson Stories”

First Family

You know those cool people that are supposed to love you no matter what. Well when you don’t see them as often they tend to mean a bit more to you (Funny how that works) I know the family relationship that made the biggest difference for me when leaving has been my little sister. We both went off to college this fall at different schools and I’ve taken it a lot harder than I expected to. It’s strange going from spending so much time with someone, sharing a bed sometimes, and a bathroom always, to a complete flip of being forever away from them and having a bathroom to yourself.  So being able to spend time with my sister for longer than a weekend has been a blessing.

 Not to mention eating my mother’s cooking, it’s amazing how good even “just add water pancakes” taste when your mom makes them.

Second Friends

I know that unfortunately for a lot of people they loose contact with those “High School” friends. I can’t lie in the 2½ yrs that I’ve been in college I have in fact lost some of those, but I have grown even closer with some of my best friends from high school and hope to keep those friendships life long. So we all get together and talk about how broke we are and end up trying to find the cheapest possible activity to do together (Movie nights at someone’s parent’s house usually work nicely) But at the end of the night it wasn’t about what we did it was about who we were with. This is true too of Thanksgiving but I think that break is just a tease.

Third Presents

Yep we’ve been old enough for a while to be responsible for those but now it’s really true. Thankfully I am only responsible in my family for the four kids, and a white elephant. But what do you do about those friends that I just mentioned are broke just like you??? This year my amazing friend and I decided to just share the gifts of food and ourselves with each other. So a Christmas potluck takes care of that, and it’s a good time, or should be ;)

So while it may have been real cute if I could have come up with 12, just like the 12 days of Christmas I didn’t. But I do have my own little Christmas poem to share with you…

Finals are over and stress free we are

But let’s be smart and not hit the bars

For Christmas time is Merry you see

And I’d love for you to spend time with me

We’ll frolic and play in the cheapest way

And find ways to brighten our days

When money is tight no presents there will be

But instead great fellowship between you and me

So by plane, train, or car hurry on home

And stop worrying about your student loans

For it’s Christmas time you see

And I’d love for you to spend it with me 

Finals, oh Finals, how I do not love thee

So, for those of you who are in college that may read this I am hoping that it will help you a little as we enter this time of unfortunate torture. I had to submit an article that will potentially go into my school's newspaper for my last assignment in my journalism class. I could not for the life of me think of a topic. Finally, I concluded that I would write about what was on my mind, and the minds of many of my fellow students, stress. I ended up getting a perfect score on the assignment, that brought my stress down some :) So below I am posting my article.

Story by: Crystal Wilson

            “I feel like I want to yell for no reason” Alix, a freshman at Schreiner University said in regards to the way that she feels when she’s stressed. 

We all feel stressed at one point or another during our semesters here at Schreiner University. Some students find stress in classes, some in extracurricular activities, and for others it is just a matter of putting too much on our plates. The question we need to answer is not how stressed are we but, what is the most effective way to manage our stress?

According to healthline.com the top ten ways to de-stress are, listening to music, calling a friend, talking yourself through it, eating right, breathing easy, laughing, drinking tea, being mindful, exercising, and sleeping better. While all of these options are great, sometimes it may be hard to commit to one, or find the time to make the activity happen, so I looked into what answers students here at Schreiner University have to managing their stress effectively.

“When I’m feeling really stressed I like to take deep breaths, exercise, and look on textsfromlastnightnight.com so I don’t feel so bad about my life”, Allison, a senior at Schreiner said in regards to how she manages stress.

Sophomore, Rebecca said “I take an hour out of my day on Tuesdays to watch my favorite show”.

De-stressing your life doesn’t have to be something that you do alone either. Before the fall 2011 finals, the student activities board hosted, holiday bingo, pictures with Santa, and even a petting zoo. All of these activities would be a great way to de-stress.

“Take it one step at a time, and prioritize. Do one right now, and once that’s over, then start something new. If you try and do it all at once, that’s when it gets overwhelming. Also, the occasional DQ ice cream sundae with best friends helps”, Austin, senior at Schreiner said.

Allison also mentioned that the sorority Alpha Sigma Alpha “did a balloon pop at one point around finals time to help relieve stress”.

While these activities may have happened during finals it doesn’t mean you can’t find a group activity to partake in the rest of the semester to help take a mental break. You can check out Student Activities Board, Greek Life, Volunteer Service, or even Campus Ministry, just to name a few.

So the next time that you’re feeling stressed take a deep breath, figure out what your de-stress tactic is and start feeling better. 

So even if you don't go to my school, I'm sure yours has some form of relaxing activities, or hopefully a good friend that you can depend on.

So I wish anyone reading this good luck on they're finals!