Love, The mushy kind

So there are multiple kinds of love, the kind for your family, your friends, and then there's "mushy" love. The "mushy" kind is what I would like to address today. 

So in my years of life I have had an amazing couple to look up to, to show me what love is.

  My Parents 

San Diego, CA 

These two care so much about one another and it amazes me. They are wonderful. I can see it in their eyes and I can see it in their actions. They really love each other, and I only hope that I can find that one day. 

While there are other couples I would like to commend on how strong their relationship looks from the outside in, they most likely wouldn't appreciate being posted here. So I wont but you know who you are. 

I've been asked multiple times what love meant to me, and every time my mind races. I mean I've felt it, I know I have, but can it be defined? You have 1 Corinthians 14:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" and the dictionary says, "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person". So, maybe you can. 

And what about that feeling you get the butterflies in your stomach, the excitement, the tingling in your fingers and toes, and a racing heart. Some say that it all just wears off over time, but if it does, isn't that sad? Or is it simply just working at it to make that feeling stay? I believe the latter to be true. 

And what happens when love goes wrong? "It's only love when you're loved in return"- Steve Wariner Now I still believe that I loved when it wasn't reciprocated, but I know it wasn't healthy. So where does this stand? Personally I think it's still love, maybe unhealthy love, but love. 

I think that the combination of 1 Corinthians, and the dictionary may tell us what love is, but nothing is better than feeling it first hand. The one thing that I do believe without a doubt is that if you are in love, then you feel it and you don't doubt it. 

I feel that two of my favorite movies sum it all up best...

“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”

- The Notebook 

"Our love is like the wind... I can't see it, but I sure can feel it"

- A Walk to Remember 

So I have to share with you, of course, a piece of my writing, It kinda pertains

Say I Love You 

Verse 1

So close to me you’ll always be

As far as to say a part of me.

The touch of your hand feels so right

How could that have been our last night?

I need your voice in my ear

You say all the things I long to hear.

Your soul is beautiful, mature, and true

But still I’m fearful to say I love you.

Chorus

So open your eyes why can’t you see

From where I’m standing we’re meant to be.

You’re handsome and lovely, and most of all true

I pray someday you’ll tell me I love you

Verse 2

Your eyes are like gates to open your soul.

And once I’m in it’s never proven dull.

Your dreams and your passions are simply enchanting,

Listening to you makes my heart feel like dancing.

But when you say no more or too complicated

I instead wish I was someone you hated.

For I know somewhere in you, this is right,

So tell me will you realize it another night? 

Disappointment

"I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day."

The quote above is from the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. When I thought that I was in the worst place anyone could be in my Pastor gave that book to me. Partially because I was an education major and needed to collect children's books, but also because the story helps you see that maybe things aren't so bad. At the time I wouldn't open my eyes to see it's benefits but had I not been so stubborn, the book, and her kindness in reaching out to me, might have benefited my emotional state of mind. 

Lately I feel like I've been hit with one disappointment after another, after another. Between grades not being what I thought they would, my family having family drama, personal finances stretching further that they had to before, my skin breaking out like crazy ( yes I consider that a problem), to an unknown thing under my arm (GROSSS!), to the most recent sprain of my ankle. As each of these event occurred I felt a bit of disappointment. And I tried my best not to let these things make it a terrible horrible, no good very bad day. To my surprise, and possibly the surprise of some of you reading this it worked. 

As each ball dropped I just said this is okay because I will grow. Growth can be found in any disappointment if you look for it. Now while eventually all of the pressure did get to me the more important this is that NOW I am better, and I am okay with all of these factors, none of which have changed. But why now? Why not when they first happened? How did it get out of control? I'm not sure but I think I've found a two part answer. 

Part 1

As each event happened I blew it off, or stuffed it to the back of my mind. I wasn't willing to deal with it, or accept it for that matter. And to be honest ignoring things gets you no where. What would happen if we all decided one day that we didn't have time for stop signs and ignored them? Just ponder that. 

Part 2

As a woman of faith I have to recognize the fact that not once did I stop, pray, and say "God, I'm handing this over" Boy, wouldn't that have been more simple? Psalm 139:4 "Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely" He knows where we all stand and knows that we need help, all we have to do is take it to Him and lay it at His feet. 

So we will never be able to prevent disappointments in our lives, but we can certainly learn our own ways to handle them best, before they wont get the best of us. And more importantly we can find a way to grow from each situation. As the book ends Alexander tells us "It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My mom says some days are like that. Even in Australia." 

And now an Untitled sad/uplifting lyrics

Verse 1

 I'm sinking I'm falling to a dark and scary place

I'm thinking of running somewhere far far away

I want to hid and there's no end in sight 

So tell me please will you be my saving grace

The road we travel becomes constantly longer

The barriers are thicker and demons are stronger

I'm searching now for my best great escape

O please dear tell me you'll be my saving grace

Chorus

Because I know when you're near the road is shorter 

When I'm in your arms the path is warmer

And I know if you let me hear you sing out

I'll melt away in your warmth and become my true self 

Verse 2

We've made it before through theses snarls and toils

Without you I'm falling so fast harder and harder

The colors are dim and future looks bleak

So I need to hear loudly you're still my saving grace 

I'm tripping and falling, my stumbles are showing effect

Am I your burden or can I be something better

For in this darkness I'm beginning to find hope 

So tell me is it true are you my saving grace